i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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