you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize