hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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