Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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