you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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