I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize