My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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