dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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