I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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