Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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