sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize