cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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