Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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