I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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