Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize