apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize