we made out on top of his cat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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