I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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