i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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