Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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