I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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