Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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