Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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