More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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