The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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