Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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