Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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