o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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