So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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