I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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