How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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