we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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