insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize