and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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