i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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