apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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