Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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