My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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