someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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