Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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