At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize