dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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