I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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