In the future we'll all be gay
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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