with your own penis?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize