MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize