he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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