so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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