I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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