Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize